Kables’n'Bytes: Time/Warning You!

Ever since my secession from cable television I’ve been bombarded with emails from the Time/Warner mothership, trumpeting service improvements and incredible deals. So far, I have been able to resist. (Thanks Netflix, iBooks, and real life.)

Well, yesterday I encountered hard evidence that they mean business. Alerted by a persistent banging outside my apartment door, I discovered a T/W technician on a ladder, who informed me that the time had come to “switch out the cable.” Indeed.

I have noticed zero difference in internet speed, but since I’d expected to lose service entirely as a result of this visit (past experience has preconditioned me), I consider this a positive. However, I couldn’t help but notice that the old white cables, formerly concealed under a somewhat unattractive plastic molding, have been unceremoniously replaced with presumably faster, better, black wiring – minus that pesky molding.

My building has been gunning for Official Slum Status for at least as long as I’ve been here, but this service call may have finally nudged us over the edge to victory. Observe this fine workmanship and eye for detail:

Ain’t we lucky we got ‘em…

…Good Tiiiiiiiiiiimes!! (yeah)

It is unlikely that our new, ironically-titled super will attend to this or the plaster chunks, dust, and wire remnants all over the hallways anytime soon; it took him a few days to realize that when it’s 64 degrees outside there’s no need for the heat to be set on “stun.” I’m looking forward to enjoying these souvenirs of Time/Warner’s diligence for overpriced months to come.

Hats off, guys. What could I possibly have been thinking?

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